See, I knew I couldn’t keep away and it’s those stomach-turning fake patriots that got me going. You know, the ones who talk all about sacrifice, who gin up the standard line of supporting our troops (but forget to give them the proper armor to protect their asses) and lecture us all about the need to go to war for the good of the country–but avoided the whole deal themselves.

So, on Independence Day, I tip my hat to the following (just a partial list):

Dennis Hastert: did not serve
Tom Delay: did not serve
House Whip Roy Blunt: did not serve.
Bill Frist: did not serve.
Rudy Giuliani: did not serve.
George Pataki: did not serve.
Mitch McConnell: did not serve.
Rick Santorum: did not serve.
Trent Lott: did not serve.
Dick Cheney: did not serve. Several deferments, the last by marriage (he had, as you may remember, “other priorities).
John Ashcroft: did not serve. Seven deferments to teach business.
Jeb Bush: did not serve.
Karl Rove: did not serve.
Saxby Chambliss: did not serve. “Bad knee.” The man who attacked Max Cleland, who had lost several limbs in Vietnam, for a lack of patriotism.
Paul Wolfowitz: did not serve.
Richard Perle: did not serve.
Douglas Feith: did not serve.
Eliot Abrams: did not serve.
Richard Shelby: did not serve.
Jon Kyl: did not serve.
Newt Gingrich: did not serve.
Don Rumsfeld: served in Navy (1954-57) as aviator and flight instructor.
George W. Bush: six-year Nat’l Guard commitment (in four).
Antonin Scalia: did not serve.
Clarence Thomas: did not serve
Sean Hannity: did not serve.
Rush Limbaugh: did not serve
Bill O’Reilly: did not serve.
Michael Savage: did not serve.
George Will: did not serve.
Chris Matthews: did not serve.
Bill Bennett: did not serve.
Pat Buchanan: did not serve.
Bill Kristol: did not serve.
Kenneth Starr: did not serve.